MURDER MILE - TOP 10 THINGS TO DO IN SOHO THIS WEEKEND
"...one of the best quirky, curious & unusual things to do in London"
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TOP TEN BEST THINGS TO DO IN SOHO... THIS WEEKEND Stuck in Soho? Wondering what's on? Tapping your toes for fiendishly fun things to do? Here's a list the "top ten things to do in Soho". #1 - Best Soho Shopping Experience West London's trendy Soho is the place to shop (if you're hankering for a pair of glittery hot-pants, some "historically significant art literature" in a discrete brown paper-bag, a thimble-sized wheat-free demi-capu' latte served in an old boot, or an eye-wateringly HUGE Union Jack sex-aide the size of a prized turnip). Or it would be, if any of the shops were ever bloody open. But if you're in London (a major metropolitan city - apparently) any time before lunch on a Saturday or Sunday lunchtime? Forget it. Luckily for you, Murder Mile Walks starts at 11AM. |
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#2 - Best Restaurant in Soho:
Soho, the pumped up, jumped up and trumped up, fashion-conscious side of Soho, uber hip and yet curiously old-fashioned side of London's West-End is crammed full of every conceivable gastronomic delight from deep-fried jelly-fish kebabs to tofu-infused air and lightly sautéed used pants (if you ask nicely). Most of which - anytime before lunchtime - are shut. So tough titties. So, if you're bored and starving, do a Murder Mile Walk of Soho, bring some sarnies and burn off a few calories. |
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#3 - Best Cafe / Coffee Shop in Soho None. They're all terrible. I once went to a "continental cafe" in Soho, and asked for a "bacon and egg sandwich with tomato ketchup". What I got was "scrambled egg, sliced ham and salsa, in a toasted panini". Yeah! I know! Close but... WTF! Luckily there is one rather decent cafe slash coffee-shop in Soho, which is open in the morning (SHOCK!), and that is where we stop for a mid-murder coffee. Where is it? Find out on Murder Mile Walks. |
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#4 - Best Pub in Soho: None. They're all terrible, garish and pretentious hang-outs full of failed "self-taught artists", wannabe "eccentrics" wearing a dachshund on their head, faded "former-hooker" floozies with a colourful history, a melange of media toss-pots all pitching "the next big thing" and one bloke who were "famous once" but no-one can quite remember why, all quaffing £40 cocktails served by "mixologists" (or a barman) in an eye-dropper. I mean - honestly - if you stand outside any Soho pub at 11am on a weekday, you'll see swarms of the buggers, all boozing, and when you shout at them, "haven't you got a bloody job to go to?", they all reply (as if rehearsed) "I'm in a meeting". Yeah! Whatever! Luckily, Murder Mile Walks finishes at a "proper" tradition British boozer, where we sit, supping a decent pint, chatting about how great "London's best murder walk" was, in the local haunt of Britain's most notorious serial killer (where he picked up two of his fifteen murder victims). Creepy huh! Where is it? Find out only on a Murder Mile Walk. |
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#5 - Best Sexy Hunk Show in Soho:
Hmm, I might be stretching it a bit here. But if your idea of a "hunk" is a bald man, with a bad beard, a pot belly and man-boobs, then you are in for a treat, as that's exactly what Michael (Murder Mile's tour guide) looks like. And, if you pay him enough money, he'll even wear a sexy leopard-skin thong. It's extra to make him cover up.
#6 - Best Comedy Show in Soho:
I'm beginning to wish this had been a list of five, I'd be done by now, and I'm desperate for a pee. Basically, what I'm saying is, "come on a Murder Mile Walk", it's a right giggle... if you've got a sick sense of humour... or are just weird.
#7 - Best Non-Specific Thing (as Things Go) of Things To Do in Soho:
Erm... Murder Mile Walks. I think that says it all really.
#8 - Best Must-Do Thing To Do When Looking in What's On In Soho for a Thing To Do:
Murder Mile Walks? Okay, I'm just filling space now, but... gnrrr... this pee is... oooh, close.
#9 - Best Thing in Soho To Do, That You Must Do, if You've Got Nothing To Do, and the What's On in the What's On in Soho isn't What You Want To Do, so "Murder Mile" Seems "The Best Thing To Do in Soho"... for a bit:
Murder Mile Walks. Nuff said really.
#10 - The Best Murder / History Walk in Soho: (Ah, now, this one I can do)
Murder Mile Walks (London), hailed as "London's best murder walk", "terrific", "dark, witty and well-researched" as well as "a great grisly morning of murder, mirth and mischief", packs in a whopping 18 MURDERERS, across 21 LOCATIONS totalling 75 DEATHS in just two hours, over barely a mile, Murder Mile Walks features cases such as "Britain's most notorious serial killer" Dennis Nilsen, Soho's WW2 slasher The Blackout Ripper, maniac William Crees, the strange defence of Peter Keim, Britain's notoriously competent hangman William Calcraft, the Denmark Street Fire, as well as unravelling the mystery of The Soho Strangler, and the real truth about Jack the Ripper... to name but a few.
Disclaimer: This article was paid for by Murder Mile Walks (in case you hadn't noticed)
Hmm, I might be stretching it a bit here. But if your idea of a "hunk" is a bald man, with a bad beard, a pot belly and man-boobs, then you are in for a treat, as that's exactly what Michael (Murder Mile's tour guide) looks like. And, if you pay him enough money, he'll even wear a sexy leopard-skin thong. It's extra to make him cover up.
#6 - Best Comedy Show in Soho:
I'm beginning to wish this had been a list of five, I'd be done by now, and I'm desperate for a pee. Basically, what I'm saying is, "come on a Murder Mile Walk", it's a right giggle... if you've got a sick sense of humour... or are just weird.
#7 - Best Non-Specific Thing (as Things Go) of Things To Do in Soho:
Erm... Murder Mile Walks. I think that says it all really.
#8 - Best Must-Do Thing To Do When Looking in What's On In Soho for a Thing To Do:
Murder Mile Walks? Okay, I'm just filling space now, but... gnrrr... this pee is... oooh, close.
#9 - Best Thing in Soho To Do, That You Must Do, if You've Got Nothing To Do, and the What's On in the What's On in Soho isn't What You Want To Do, so "Murder Mile" Seems "The Best Thing To Do in Soho"... for a bit:
Murder Mile Walks. Nuff said really.
#10 - The Best Murder / History Walk in Soho: (Ah, now, this one I can do)
Murder Mile Walks (London), hailed as "London's best murder walk", "terrific", "dark, witty and well-researched" as well as "a great grisly morning of murder, mirth and mischief", packs in a whopping 18 MURDERERS, across 21 LOCATIONS totalling 75 DEATHS in just two hours, over barely a mile, Murder Mile Walks features cases such as "Britain's most notorious serial killer" Dennis Nilsen, Soho's WW2 slasher The Blackout Ripper, maniac William Crees, the strange defence of Peter Keim, Britain's notoriously competent hangman William Calcraft, the Denmark Street Fire, as well as unravelling the mystery of The Soho Strangler, and the real truth about Jack the Ripper... to name but a few.
Disclaimer: This article was paid for by Murder Mile Walks (in case you hadn't noticed)
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