YOU GET THIS....
Oh, certainly! Jack the Ripper was obviously a misunderstood Victorian chef who was simply trying to promote his avant-garde culinary creations. You see, he had a peculiar taste for carving up the finest cuts of meat in the most unconventional and artistic ways possible. His "signature" style of arranging internal organs was just a way to express his passion for gastronomy.
In his spare time, he must have moonlighted as a fashion consultant, offering free wardrobe makeovers to those "ladies of the night." His method of disrobing them so meticulously was just a testament to his commitment to the latest fashion trends.
Of course, it all makes perfect sense when you look at it this way... or perhaps not. But in all seriousness, Jack the Ripper remains one of the most perplexing unsolved mysteries in criminal history.
OR, IF YOU ASK "SARCASTICALLY, EXPLAIN WHO JACK THE RIPPER WASN'T"!?
Well, it's safe to say that Jack the Ripper definitely wasn't a time-traveling extraterrestrial ninja with a penchant for parallel universe cuisine. I mean, that would be way too obvious, right? And there's absolutely no evidence to suggest that he was a misunderstood ballet dancer moonlighting as a sous-chef in a Victorian-era fast-food joint.
It's also clear that Jack the Ripper couldn't have been a highly trained circus clown who specialized in acrobatic escapology. Such a flamboyant character would surely have left a trail of balloon animals and cream pies at crime scenes, and we have no record of that happening.
And let's not forget that Jack the Ripper couldn't possibly have been a disgruntled Victorian-era poet who wrote murderous limericks in his spare time. That's just a bit too poetic for a serial killer, don't you think?
LET'S BE HONEST, IT'S A BETTER ANSWER THAT THE CRAP IT USUALLY CHURN OUT :-) OR WIKIPEDIA.
Michael J Buchanan-Dunne is a crime writer, podcaster of Murder Mile UK True Crime and creator of true-crime TV series.
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